this dare goes along nicely with dare #12. i will just say that i wrote dare #12 in the morning, and that evening, i was given a chance to fulfill that dare. i failed. i am continuously working on dare #12. this dare helps though. it talks about setting boundaries and rules for fighting. there will be conflict in marriage. that is inevitable. it just means we are human engaging in very human relationships. i've always said that the best friends we have are the ones we have had conflict with. when we work through issues with those we love, friends or spouses, we learn more about each other. we learn which friends are willing to work through conflict, and which friends leave the second they don't like something about you. you can't really know someone if your relationship is all roses and daisies on the surface - just my humble opinion. all of that to say, conflict with your spouse is normal. but, it's how we handle it that really shapes our relationships.
"The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you'll ever do (or ever have done) to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict" (Love Dare, 62). have you ever been on a date night, having a really great time, when all of the sudden, your night is ending in a major fight? sometimes, i wonder how in the world the whole night can turn in just a moment!! of course, the answer is simple. selfishness. pride. so, how can we have less of these pointless arguments? or how can we gracefully handle important arguments? the Love Dare talks about establishing "we" boundaries and "me" boundaries. you can create your own boundaries based on your personality, but here is an example from the book.
"We" Boundaries: discuss with your spouse
1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past. (this is usually hard for women.)
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a "time out" if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry. (usually hard for men.)
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
"Me" Boundaries: determine in your heart to follow these.
1. I will listen first before speaking. "Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." James 1:19
2. I will deal with my own issues up front. "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" Matt. 7:3
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1
Hope this helps us all to learn how to fight fair! Ultimately though, we need to remind ourselves of the Gospel daily, to help us learn these truths.
Dare: "Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to 'fight' by. Resolve to abide y them when the next disagreement occurs."
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." Romans 12:18
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