Dare #5 - Love is not rude

well, slowly but surely, i am chugging through these dares. i am hoping to start doing at least 2+ dares a week. so far, i have definitely been learning a lot about myself. i am learning that i never truly understood what it really meant to love, cherish and obey my husband. i thought i knew when we first got married. i thought i had it all under control, of course! then slowly, i started to think more about what my husband could do for me rather than what i could do for him and the slow, downward fade of increasing selfishness began in our marriage. however, if i didn't see myself for that selfish sinner that i am, i wouldn't have turned to Christ to help me learn how to truly love. my encouragement for you today is to really examine yourself. i have found that just when we start thinking we really do have it all together is when we start to neglect noticing the unconfessed sin in our lives. have the attitude of wanting to always improve. learning how to truly love your spouse, family, friends, enemies, etc. is a lifelong journey. we will never arrive - no. but through the Cross alone, growth can occur in each of our own personal journeys of sanctification!

this chapter started with Proverbs 27:14 "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him." this made me smile, but even though i found amusement from it, i also realized how true it is! even from the moment i wake up, i need to be thoughtful instead of rude. The Love Dare states, "If she [a wife] desires to love him [a husband], she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort." again, we may be tempted to think, "i am not rude. i don't do rude things." but, this should be another moment of self-inspection. the book also states, "you may not realize how unpleasant you can be to live with." ouch. so maybe i'm the unpleasant one at times? most definitely. 

here are a few test questions from the book:

1. "How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?"

2. "How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?" (I also want to add respect in this list. Does your husband sense that you respect him, especially in front of others? This is really crucial for men. . .)

3. "Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?"

now the book gives some guiding principles:

1.  "Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated."

2. "Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers."

3. "Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask."

so, if your husband has asked you a thousand times to do something, no matter how insignificant it may be, no matter how stupid of a deal he may make of it, do it. and do it because love is at its root selfless. 

Dare 5:

"Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only."

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 25:24