Suffering

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4.

these verses were my security. i had to trust what james said to be true. otherwise, i think i would have fallen apart. could it be that suffering should induce a sense of joy in me? really God? yes. in those moments of suffering, i heard "yes." could it be that by suffering, i will be perfect, complete and lacking nothing?? yes.

i looked into my husband's eyes, and i could see the flame dying. i knew he was searching, but i wasn't exactly sure for what. i don't think he was sure for what. i prayed desperately that God would mend our marriage back together, but i knew that that wasn't the ultimate goal! it hurt immensely to finally commit to that, but i did. "God, conform me into your image, whatever it takes." sounds like a risky prayer! but, i had to trust in His sovereignty - in His perfect plan for me. it really, really hurt as God molded me - pain i have never endured. but, He was beside me the entire time, and He showed Himself in ways i still marvel at!

i am withholding a lot of details, that in time, maybe i will share. but, i will tell you this. i am a different wife now because of this. i have a different husband now because of this. i saw him break under the steadfast, indescribable love of God. i saw my husband accept that love as if it was the first time, and now we are both learning how to love like God wants us to love each other. wow - it's not easy! have you ever really thought about the way God commands us to submit to our husbands?!?! how is that even possible? or the way a man is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church? but, that's not my job. my job is to work on me. so, that's what i'm doing. i'm going to start the 40 day love dare and i am wondering if you will join me. trust me, this will NOT be 40 consecutive days. but, it will be 40 dares. if you cannot join me, please join in praying for my marriage and the marriages of all us. God is working in our marriage in incredible, INCREDIBLE ways. i watched the Holy Spirit work in a mysterious and incredulous way. praise be to God for His gift in my marriage!

my next post will be the first dare. if no one joins me, it's fine. this is just helping me stay accountable. but, i do hope that through my journey, you will learn a little something about yourself too.

love like Jesus loves. and yes, that includes your spouse as well. and don't be too proud, lest ye fall. i was proud. but, i've been brought low. i see myself for what i am - a sinner, in need of a lot of grace.