"If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness" (Love Dare).
we say, practically daily, "I love you" to our spouses. yet, we struggle with selfishness at the same time we say it. i've started to think more and more about what love really looks like. i've been learning that love is kind, which means when i am kind, i should expect nothing in return. that's been a hard one by the way. when i have been doing things for my husband lately, i definitely am still expecting some kindness in return. and it is hard when i don't get it. what a minor example of what we do to Christ every day! when we sin, He hurts like we hurt when our spouse "wrongs" us. yet, He still loves us with an everlasting love! the least i can do is show love to my God by showing true love and honor to my husband.
now, we shift to selfishness. this chapter was a tough pill to swallow. when i really dig deep and look into my heart, i see all sorts of selfishness living in there. it's gross. i have such high expectations for how my husband should treat me, yet my expectations for how i should treat him are so low.
for example: those of you who know me know that this year has been really tough with work. i am barely home at night. this week, i have rehearsals every night until 10:30 or 11, and when i get home, my husband is asleep (which i understand). BUT, i get home from my long day and expect so much. the kitchen should be clean, he should have called me during the day, he should have done this and that! whoa - major selfishness. it comes soooo naturally too. i mean, c'mon! i'm working hard here; don't i deserve it? nope. i sure don't.
"When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. Love does not 'seek its own'" (love dare). GUILTY.
"If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish" (love dare). GUILTY.
so this means, we can't love and be selfish at the same time. we must choose to 100% love. do something for your spouse without any other motive. just love.
Just a self-check: "If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your spouse, then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit" (love dare).
remember, we cannot change without God's help. if you struggle with doing these things, it may be because you are just doing them in your own strength. look to the Gospel. look to the cross, and when you see His love there, it will make it that much easier to show that same love to your spouse, the person we should be loving the most on this earth. it won't ever be easy because we are filled with selfishness, but seeing His love for what it is and relying on His strength to help us is the only way to overcome that selfishness.
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." Romans 12:10
"Whatever you put your time, energy and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not invested in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, 'I was thinking of you today.'"
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